Week 36

I've had mixed emotions this week about this coming week, that is, me moving down to Utah for the last couple weeks of this pregnancy. While I am excited to be nearly done with the pregnancy thing and to meet this little boy of mine, I am also sort of terrified. It's a big change, a lot of unknowns, I have a very vague idea of what to expect with delivery and etc, I'll be putting myself in the care of unfamiliar doctors from mine at home, I'll be away from home, and I'll be away from Malone for probably the longest I've ever been away from him our entire marriage. Malone will be with me for the next appointment on October 3rd, but he'll go home and work until delivery day when he comes back. I think just the idea of being in unfamiliar territory (for myself and pretty much everyone I know) at such a critical time is the scariest feeling I think I've ever felt.

 I've been thinking about this a lot and am usually on the verge of tears when I do think about it. I think Heavenly Father is aware of my fears, because he seems to find a way to give me comfort. Today I was a little teary thinking about it during an ultrasound at my specialist's office. I said a little prayer in my head asking for peace because I didn't want to cry. Then my doctor gave me a little bit of good news. Baby's head is still stable, and it's looking better today. I think the rest of his body has kind of caught up with his head so it doesn't look as big as it did. But his head size has been stable for about 3 or 4 weeks now which basically means the hydro is not getting worse. He is about 6lbs 3oz right now, has hair, and has been a real champ at passing the BPP's (biophysical profile). He continues to practice his breathing like a pro and is kicking like a soccer player all the time. His movement is great, his size is perfect. He really is perfect in every way. I've decided that really, he's a perfect baby. Everything about the way he is is as God intended for him. The defect is just a part of who he is, not who he is. It's funny how you can admire a little person you haven't even met yet. He's so strong, such a champ, and just surprises me all the time with his capabilities that he has. I know that when he gets here, all the admiration and love I have for him will only increase. What an inspiring person he is going to be! I can't wait to meet him. I admit I do have days where I feel sad for him that he may not be able to do the things other kids do, but I know he will have other gifts that will make up for it. All this came to my mind today during and after the appointment. I know that it is my Heavenly Father telling me not to be afraid that everything will be okay and encouraging me to look forward to having this baby and to be proud of him.

As I was getting ready to leave, my doctor gave me a little gift basket that the nurse coordinator Dana put together for me. Dana has been a really good friend and has been so supportive throughout this ordeal. She always calls to see how I'm doing and gives me a big hug when I see her. She tells me that out of all the patients they have, my family has a special place in her heart. This to me was quite surprising since I imagine they have a lot of patients. So I don't know if she treats all the patients this way or if it's just me, ( I like to think it's just me even if it isn't), but I am so grateful to have her in my life at this time. At the beginning of all this, she was the one that said to me that I'd be surprised of the people that come out of the woodwork, and she was right! She is one of those people. Anyway, Dana had put together this gift basket for me herself. She wasn't in the office today to give it to me herself, but I was so touched by her kindness. As I said before, I was feeling scared this morning but when I left that office I felt so much love, support, and peace. It felt really good and was definitely needed today. I guess my little prayer was answered!

My mom and I had been talking about whether I feel ready for the baby ( as far as things, clothes, blankets etc). And I admitted I still felt like there were a few things we needed still, and I whined about not having enough clothes to wear. Well, she took me shopping on Saturday and completely spoiled me. She bought me a few new maternity tops and a few pairs of maternity pants, and some nursing essentials. And then we picked up a few last minute things for baby including bassinet sheets, which I've been needing. And then as if that wasn't enough, she bought me lunch. I am so grateful for all that she has done for me and all the love an support she gives me. What a wonderful mother I have! :-)